Confession #9: Babies bring much more than joy

The incredibly adorable Baby Eli and me of course.
The incredibly adorable Baby Eli and me of course.

So I most definitely had a day of personal growth, and although its been a little tough, I feel stronger, and more mature.

When I was 14, I went to the doctors because I was having some really intense pain in the abdomen, I thought maybe it was my appendix, but the pain was on both sides so my doctors were at a loss. They sent me to a specialist who ordered an ultrasound for me. I wasn’t sure what they were checking for, but I drank an immense amount of water, and went through the awkward procedure. When the results came back a couple of weeks later, my doctor called us in and told me I had a very common syndrome among women called PCOS, basically , I have a bunch of little cysts on my ovaries. He said that it wasn’t worth operating to remove them because with time they would just grow back. If I had pain that was any worse to come back and we would see what the next step was. Luckily for me the pain went away, and so did the reality that I had this little syndrome.

Then during my junior year of high school in my Child Development class, we were learning about ways that women could become infertile. To my utter shock and horror, cysts on your ovaries was one of the ways it could happen. When I read this on the handout the teacher had given us, I fought to hold back tears.

I was 16 years old and I might not be able to have kids, finding out at any point in your life that it might not be an option is something that is very hard to realize. Especially when that had always been part of your dream.

As soon as I got a chance to be alone with her I shared this new found imformation with my best friend. She looked at me and shook her head and said “Chey, miracles happen every day, don’t worry about it. Besides even if you aren’t meant to have the miracle, there are so many kids who need to be adopted.” Me being the emotional person I am, I was so upset that she didnt understand what I was going through but I brushed it off and tried to forget about the whole thing. I didn’t even consider that adoption was an option, I was so sure that I could never love a baby that wasn’t mine, I would never be able to feel a connection. That is until yesterday.

A very good friend of mine had a baby yesterday, which is very exciting to say the least. I’ve been a big part of my friends other two kids lives, and she asked me to be at the hospital for little Eli’s birth , which I found to be very sweet. Anyways, she had a C-section and he was born at 12:30, nice and healthy, and to cute for words. Although I wasn’t able to hold him yesterday, just seeing him through the glass I was instantly in love, even though he isn’t my child that protective instinct was very present. When I finally got to hold him and talk to him today, it was there even more so, as I was sitting there holding this new little life, I came to this crazy realization. I could love someone who wasn’t “mine” so to speak, the way I never thought I could, at that moment it was like a light bulb clicked for me, and I have to say I am completely grateful that it did.

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2 thoughts on “Confession #9: Babies bring much more than joy

  1. how very great of you to write this! It’s an awesome post and encouraged me to get checked out asap cause my cycle is allover the place and my gut feeling is that I have a lazy ovary which could make it difficult.

    thanks for writing this and for following my blog 🙂

    marija xxx

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